Fuckwits!

I have tried to find another word for it, a more politically correct term, but I cannot find one. "Fuckwit" is succinct and to the point. If you are a Fuckwit then you are an idiot of the highest magnitude.

So, why am I writing about Fuckwits? It is because I have changed my strategy on cycling. I used to cycle on the roads but the time taken to complete my trips to work and back is too short. I am, after all, only cycling as a form of exercise and I want that exercise to last as long as possible.  So I changed from cycling on the roads to cycling on cycle paths, which are a nightmare to cycle on.

Cycle paths are not maintained very well  like roads, so the ride is a lot more bumpy and there are tyre puncturing stones and other debris everywhere. However, the worst part about cycling on cycle paths is that they are also full of Fuckwits. Here is a list of Fuckwits that I typically encounter EVERYDAY on the cycle paths.

• Parked cars. Even if you are only waiting for a few minutes to pick someone up, you are still parked in the cycle lane. You are a Fuckwit!
• Teenagers, all of them…….Fuckwits! Talking on mobile phones or listening to music with a headset on. You do not hear the warning «pling pling» of an approaching cyclist and you cannot walk in a straight line. Cyclists should be allowed cattle prods to deal with this type of Fuckwit. A cycle path strewn with crumpled and convulsing  teenagers could only lead to a better world.
• Small children, without doubt the greatest and most numerous of the fuckwits out there. Parents, if you have small children who walk to school unsupervised then let me be the first to confirm that your child is a Fuckwit. To watch what happens when you approach a throng of children, as they bimble along, oblivious to the entire world, and you pling pling them with your bell, it truly is a sight to behold. INSTANT PANIC!!! The children on the left side of the lane shuffle quickly to the right side of the lane. The children on the right side of the lane shuffle over to the left side. The ones in the middle of the lane turn and stare at you with wide eyes and begin to scream. The ones chasing imaginary butterflies and pixies continue to do so in random directions completely unaware of the chaos around them. Fuckwits…all of them!
• Adults walking dogs with long leads and talking on the phone. Fuckwits with a death wish! Either they or their dog is going to die. It really is a gamble if you pling pling this kind of fuckwit. The dogs, with a huge amount of freedom on those long leads, are totally unpredictable. They can simply run to the opposite side of the path leaving a knee high trip wire across the whole path or they attack you. The owners, on the phone and oblivious to the death trap set by their dogs, wonder why the lead is suddenly yanked from their hands as you ride through the trap. The dog yelps as it is suddenly yanked backwards then runs away chased by a confused owner wondering what just happened. Fuckwits!
• Old people. OK so there are not so many of them out there walking but they tend to be deaf and walk in the middle of the cycle path. Granted, they are not going to make any sudden movements in random directions or be distracted by talking on a mobile phone but they do shout at you because you have surprised the hell out of them….. by just cycling past….on a cycle path. Fuckwits!
• Tiny little girls on little pink bicycles, carrying heavy pink rucksacks, racing me and beating me up steep hills. Fuckwits….they just are OK!