The Riverdance gravity constant.
So, India has always had sooooo much potential to write a Winnieleaks but I have to say I’m disappointed. Maybe I’m starting to get used to it here but Mumbai doesn’t seem as bad as it used to be. I haven’t gotten the shits (although there is still time) and nothing dramatic has happened during this visit.
Until last night……….
I had to visit Delhi and have a business dinner with a new client. He wanted to eat at a restaurant in the Radisson Hotel near the airport, so I decided to check into the Radisson for the night and fly back early to Bombay the next morning. The hotel was very nice and possibly one of the best Radissons I’ve ever stayed at. The one major surprise was the very highly polished wooden floor in my room. Forget sliding around in socks, I could glide around in bare feet. I’d have to say it was more slippery than Teflon and it had a gleaming crystal clear reflection I could have shaved in.
Anyway, I went to dinner, had a pleasant time and then retired for the evening.
As usual for a man of my age, I woke up in the early hours of the morning with a bladder filled to bursting point. So, needing a toilet visit, I hurriedly got out of bed, then realized I had stood up too fast. You know that dizzy feeling, when there just isn’t enough blood circulating in your skull and it feels like you have the onset of stroke happening? Occasionally, when this has happens to me I just fall straight back down on the bed and stay still until the blood begins to flow properly.
Oh no, not this time, to add to my middle-of-the-night-crisis, I’m now slipping around on the polished floor like Bambi on ice. Unfortunately, my bloodless brain has no control of my arms, which are hanging limply by my sides and preventing me from keeping any balance. To anyone watching it would have looked like the winning routine at the All Ireland Jig Dancing Championships for the Mentally Handicapped. Legs flailing, I managed to miss falling back onto the bed and instead kicked a chair and bedside lamp across the room. I landed with an unpleasant thud on the wooden floor. It would have hurt if there were blood coursing through my veins but I didn’t feel a thing Although, what brought on the dribbling from the corner of my mouth, as I lay there, I have no idea.
On the bright side, the bruising was not too bad and I may have found an ingenious way to remove floor polish. All you need is underwear soaked in urine.
