Right, we have to burn down Sweden. All of it!

It should be bloody well outlawed! Whilst I admire its design and the magnificence of its engineering.....it should be banned. The injuries I have sustained, just this week alone, give me cause to start a class legal action. I am, of course, referring to the most modern of booby-traps......Ikea furniture. 
In fact, Ikea should change its name to "BASTARD!!" because when I stub my toe on the corner of my Ikea bed, I don't shout "IKEA!!". 
Twice this week I have stubbed my right little toe and once on my left little toe too. My feet look like they have huge thumbs on the ends of them. My left shin has a nasty gouge in it because I hit that as well....there was blood, lots of it! I honestly thought I had broken the shin bone. However, it turned out that my shin bone was what stopped the edge of our Ikea bed from amputating my left leg. Why do they make furniture of hard wooden surfaces that stick out so much and are sharp enough to shave with?
This morning was when I stubbed my left little toe. My wife, who was starting later than me, was fast asleep when I came back in the bedroom to grab a pair of socks. I did not need the light on. I know my way around the bedroom blind folded. So in the darkness I got to the sock drawer, opened it, grabbed a pair of socks, closed the drawer and turned around to leave very quietly. 
BAM! 
I see flashes of lights and feel a searing pain as something just tried to split, crush and set fire to my little toe.
I wanted to be all Apache Warrior like and endure the pain in silence.....but I wasn't. 
"BASTARD!!" I screamed. 
Followed by cries of "Didn't hurt, didn't hurt, didn't hurt." Bloody hell it hurt.
Sadly, I woke my poor wife from her sleep. She must have been having a funny dream when I woke her up because she was still giggling.