A new Superhero emerges......

The Flash, a comic book leather clad superhero who can run and move at the speed of light.  Or, as I like to call him, Mr. Slow.

I discovered my new superpowers yesterday, which should worry The Flash because if I ever use them for evil wrongdoing, then he will never catch me.

So how did all this happen?

Well, it was my last day of meetings in Vancouver and they had all gone well. So my colleague and I decided to go for a well earned drink. After a couple of drinks I had a sudden pain in my stomach. I excused myself and went to the toilet.  I don't think it was anything I had eaten or drunk. No, I think it was a simple reaction to severe changes in my eating routines. Vancouver is nine hours behind my hometown so my normal routines were impossible. Whatever the reason, it didn't change the fact that I now had "The shits". 

I told my colleague of my situation and that my drinking day was over. We agreed to go back to the hotel. We were tired anyway. I took the precaution of filling my pockets with toilet paper for the taxi ride ahead. The taxi ride to the hotel was nervous but thankfully uneventful. However, the journey in the elevator up to my room saw the return of my stomach pain. Alarm bells were ringing in my head. Why-oh-why was my hotel room on the top floor?

With time running out I made it to my hotel room door. I already had my room key ready and I opened the door........violently. Suddenly,  my perspective on reality seemed to change from real time to slow motion. I could feel my stomach pain surge to a higher level and my super senses could hear the neurons in my brain firing out the signal to my bowels saying....."release cargo".

I dropped my rucksack off my back and charged for the bathroom six meters away.  Within the first step, still in slow motion, I threw off my coat. Next step, trouser belt undone. The next three steps involved undoing two buttons, a clip and a zip to open my trousers. I barged through the bathroom door and luckily my left hand found the light switch.  In the two steps to the toilet bowl I released my trousers and located my knicker elastic. Even though this was happening in a blurry slow motion I noticed my heart rate increasing and a cold sweat was forming on my face. During the final step my lower jaw was clenching my teeth together, my eyes were closing tightly, spittle was flying out from between my teeth as my breathing became powerful and heavy. Wrenching my under garments downwards I pirouetted and threw my arse checks at the toilet seat.

As contact was made on the plastic seat I let out a scream through my clenched teeth."Gggnnnaarrgg! Sheesus H tap dancing Chriiiiiisht what is happening to me??? Gggnnnnaaaargg!!" .......and the flood gates opened....... Twice. Joining the cold sweat on my face were tears from eyes. The pain was bad. After the second "surge" the pain left me, as fast as it had come. It was then the blurry sensation of slow motion ended and real time resumed. It was also at this time that I heard the sound of my rucksack, back by the hotel door, hitting the floor  and the light came on in the bathroom.

Now that I have this new superpower of superhuman speed, I also realize that huge responsibility comes with this great gift. Rest assured, I will use it for good rather than evil. Of course, the powers are limited to an area within six meters of a toilet bowl. I am also aware that dressing up in a superhero Lycra and leather outfit, whilst loitering around toilets is more likely to get me arrested than allow me to fight super-villains. So I'll just wear a long coat over my outfit. That should make me less suspicious, don't you think?

So World, if your toilets are being terrorised by super-villains and no one else can help, just call out for me. I am..........The Flush!