Madness!

It’s madness I tell you! Madness! Everyone should heed my words seriously and be warned. As many of you know, I have never been a believer in religion but today I saw something that has changed my mind for ever. Early this morning, quite unprepared, I was confronted by what can only be described as the work of the Devil.

Who would have thought that a sight so perverse could be presented to someone so innocent, so unspoiled, so unprepared as me?

Arriving for breakfast, I surveyed the hotel breakfast buffet and decided to change my routine of fresh fruit and yoghurt. Instead, opting for an egg and bacon fry up. As I look at my options I discovered that the Spawn of Satan, the Anti-Christ himself, masquerading as a chef………………… had put olives in the baked beans!!!!

As an anxiety attack set upon me, I struggled to cope with the witchcraft facing me. Olives are the Devil’s hemorrhoids and here they were……… floating amongst the beans. After saying a prayer to Saint Heinz (of the 57 Varieties), I could only shriek loudly as I noticed a Chinese man, sitting only a few meters from me, dunking a croissant into a bowl of said baked beans and olives………A CROISSANT! IN BEANS!!!  When would the madness end? I could only run! Eventually locking myself in a sanctuary of flatulence, where only the touch of porcelain could comfort me.

“Mummy, take the bad men away! Mummy, take the bad men away!” I cried.

My wife said I was over reacting and that I should stop being such a drama queen. Moi? A DRAMA QUEEN??? That will be the olives talking!